Stars For Searchlights (2003)

Tracks: Searchlights / Jacob / Suit Impostor Prophecy / Idiot Grin / Gold Thieves

Credits

Julian Sark: vocals and guitar
Eli McIlveen: vocals, guitar, bass, percussion and programming

Recorded in Toronto at the Old Loft by Eli, with assistance from Sean Howard. Mixed at Land’s End.
Photo: Sean Howard. Design: Alarmist.

All songs by Julian Sark / Eli McIlveen (SOCAN).

Lyrics

Searchlights

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is there any one for me?
says the girl across the way
is there any one for me?
well what should i say?
love her better than myself
only met her yesterday
love her better than myself
well what should I say?

golly i sure do think you’re lovely
do you mind, do you think much of me?
or have i taken stars for searchlights
noon for midnight grins for violins?
missed a subtle signal
mister single gets it wrong again

so i button up my lip
& i tighten up my jaw
so i button up my lip
& lock all the locks
but the truth is seeping out
out from underneath my skin
but the truth is seeping out
i can’t keep it in

lately i’ve been so sad & lonely
maybe i need some major therapy
so i don’t take these stars for searchlights
noon for midnight grins for violins
miss these subtle signals
mister single gets it wrong again

hole in my side six feet wide under the waterline
i think i’ll sink

i can feel my body sing
there’s an aching in my bones
i can feel my body sing
when i’m alone
it’s the vigil of a saint
it’s a joke that’s wearing thin
it’s the vigil of a saint
who’s hungry for sin

baby i sure do think you’re lovely
will you sigh will you make fun of me?
will i die with these stars for searchlights
noon for midnight grins for violins
missing subtle signals
mister single gets it wrong again

how many drinks does it take to put on a brave face?
we’ll see won’t we

Jacob

And Jacob’s dogs lay round about
as one by one the bulbs burned out
dear Jacob stood upon the front porch muttering

And I remember sunlight like it was yesterday
now the cold wind scours the broken empty stores
wide awake I’m staring at the door

Wounded by your hesitation: what was I waiting for?
I’m open to interpretation
‘cause even I’m not sure what all this time was for

But I don’t know how to die
I mean how should I close my eyes?

And Jacob’s face grew blank with doubt
as up and down the lights went out
and Jacob stood alone in darkness wondering

Sometimes I think of leaving town to start again
some place where people still remember how to smile
but this dog’s too old  (...but it’s in my blood)
and I feel so small and cold  (...and it’s in my bones)
and freedom’s huge and empty like an endless night
I only know what I’ve known all my life

I’m scraping away the smoke on the windows that remain
   (...this is all I have to hold)
the frozen day is dawning
cutting away the stains of the ages on the paper
   (...this is all I have to hold)
forgotten voices calling
I’m claiming it all for no one

Suit Impostor Prophecy

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monday morning fingers around your throat
on the platform in your hat and coat
steel dragon slithers up third rail moat

muscle tension held in by skin and bone
trap-door spider trapped inside her home
newborn infant crammed into barbie clothes

you climb on board

your salvation will come

destination double doors open wide
eager victims pile themselves outside
for a taste of selfless self-sacrifice

ticket-taker typically taking fares
girl on cellphone with a headphone stare
sea of faces all comin’ up for air

you climb the stairs

your salvation will come

this is not me please believe me this is not me
this is just my suit of armour an impostor a survivor turning days into paycheques into respect
i once had some big dreams really big dreams now i just have debts

phantom spectre shades of our former selves
turn the night-trains into strip motels
for the moment you’re one of them as well

muscle tension held in by skin and bone
trap-door spider trapped inside her home
newborn infant crammed into barbie clothes

you climb on board

your salvation will come

Idiot Grin

we shared a kneejerk smile
a careless smile accident smile
and now i wear a helpless smile
a ceaseless smile a painted smile

i’m left with
no volition
an absurd expression and no volition
an idiot grin

i wish that i could stop
wish that i could peel it off
but every time i see your face
i feel it snap back into place

i’m left with
no volition
an absurd expression and no volition
an idiot grin

we shared a kneejerk smile
now i’m forced to pay the price
do i hold my breath and take a step
or hold on ‘til there’s nothing left?

no volition
an absurd expression and no volition

an idiot grin

Gold Thieves

two of us thick as thieves
telling lies so sweet
they taste like truth

i’ve been blind - now i see
what she means to me
and it feels like love

lady heartache why won’t you let me be?
she’s got the love of another man
she don’t need me

two of us good as gold
telling tales so old
they must be true

friend of mine didn’t know
spotted us alone
he said it looked like love

lady heartache why won’t you let me be?
she’s got the love of another man
she don’t need me

wish i’d told her then what i know now
but the moment’s gone and time keeps marching on
so i seal my lips without her kiss
and make out like nothing’s wrong

lady heartache why won’t you let me be?
if home is where the heart is
there’s no place for me